apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize