I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
