i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
