yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
