He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
