i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
