i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
