Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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