I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
