So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
