...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
