are you so shy because you have an std?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
