you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
