cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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