I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize