eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
