Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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