apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
