I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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