I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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