You really coming over, don't trick.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
