Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
