how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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