Betty ford says i'm here all night
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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