Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
