wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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