Screwed.edu
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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