I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
