If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
