sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
