talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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