you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize