Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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