I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
