That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
