Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
