how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
