i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
