dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
