I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
