Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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