I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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