ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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