Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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