I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
