there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
