i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
