Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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