Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
