Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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