Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Oh god it's open bar.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
