There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
