Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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