Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
