please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
