So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
