you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
