You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
