I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
