just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
