Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think my vagina is haunted
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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