U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
