I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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