you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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