ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
