Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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