Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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