Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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